Blood On The Bathroom Floor
by KawaiiLilMarron
Summary: Gonou, after being found by Gojyo, is having second thoughts on life and considers Gojyo's question in the bathroom with a razor. (Angsty and Graphic)


**Blood On The Bathroom Floor**

**Chapter 1**

**Gonou/Hakkai's Point Of View**

**A/N:** I am in an angsty mood and Dani has this poem in her Livejournal Info that strangely fit Hakkai and we didn't even notice. So now she wanted me to turn it into a fanfiction. So I am doing so. This is really angsty and graphic. So...yeah. Hakkai's going insane. 

-o-

I smiled. Again. Smiled so hard, it hurt. I didn't know how else to deal with my sturring emotions, except do nothing but hide them from the rest of the world. I was living with Gojyo, he took me in a few days ago. He still doesn't know my name and I can feel the wound on my stomach forming into an everlasting memory of what happened. 

_He pulls off his acrylic grin,_

" Gojyo, I have to go to the bathroom." I said, sitting up in the bed. 

" Okay." Gojyo said, sipping some of his beer. He set it down on the table and walked towards me, helping me get up and to the bathroom. He sat down by the door in case I needed anything or if anything happened to me in there while I did my business. I went to wash my hands and looked in the mirror, taking off my fake smile for a moment. 

_It shatters on the bathroom floor._

Flashes of everything that had happened, flew before my eyes and I put my smile back on and everything went a way. Visions of Kanan, slicing her throat, flew by me as if I was tied to a chair in front of a television and forced to watch the same murderous act on repeat. It tore me up in side, and I started to cry, my tears coating the inside of the sink. 

_Nothing sweeter than the widow's tears,_

I fell to the ground in exaustion and continued to cry. I managed to pull myself quietly up to the door to lean on, and I continued to cry, as softly and as quiety as I could, to keep Gojyo from worrying and coming in. I reached up to the knob of the door and locked it. 

_Streaking gracefully onto the door._

Thinking back on everything as I laid there on the floor, my life was never perfect, nothing ever went my way, not even happiness. Until I found Kanan, and now that she was gone, she proved that I will, never have happiness. And I couldn't do anything about it. 

_He never had a pretty life.  
No artistry born to sacrifice._

When I was with her, I felt like a new person, like I could be myself...only not. Like I was floating on air and that nothing mattered in the world except me and her. Us in that small house, was like our own personal heaven that nobody could destroy, that was until that night...and what did I do? Nothing. I could have stopped this! Why couldn't I know!? 

_Birthed from a love so melancholy,  
A morbid reason steering way beyond life._

Nothing compared to Kanan...nothing. I peaked up to look at the sink. Noticing a small sliver of metal shining in the dim light of the bathroom's flouresent light. I pulled myself up, feeling the paid in my gut where I had been slashed. But I ignored it, and my need to vomit painfully. I was dizzy, hazed and couldn't feel anything. I grinned and picked up the sharp piece of metal. 

_None as lovely as the thought of his wife.  
Decisions, Incisions,_

I pressed the sharp edge of the razor onto my wrist and slicing very slowly. Taking in the pain slowly and watching the crimson blood race down my wrist. I was still in a daze of pain and misery. What was the point in going on. I went under the first gash and made another, hissing at the pain mixed with pleasure of the newly made outlet. 

_A suicide so picturesque.  
Scenic beauty flowing out of his veins._

" Hey!" Gojyo asked, knocking on the door. " You've been in there forever." Gojyo noted, shaking on the bathroom knob. " Are you alright?" 

" I'm...I'm fine Gojyo." I whispered through the door. 

" Open the door!" Gojyo said, starting to panic. " You'd better be alright!" 

" I'm, fine. I'm just letting some things go." I smiled, wiping the river of blood running down my skin. I wrapped my wrist in toilet paper, stood as best as I could and opened the door. " I accidentally cut myself on your razor." 

" On your wrist!?" Gojyo gasped, rushing into the kitchen to get bandages. 

" It seems so..." I said, tracing the newly bleeding scars. Hopefully, these wouldn't end up like my other scars on my body, to forever remind me of what happened. Not like I'll ever forget. Thinking back on what Gojyo asked me the first time I woke, " Do you wish you were dead?". 

_Beauty not steming from the rose of love...  
...but envy of the fate of his treasured one._

-o-

**A/N:** Yeah, pretty morbid. I thought Hakkai (or in this case, Gonou) might try something like that right after. And this poem seemed to fit something of how Gonou felt after losing Kanan. So, there. No flaming me! If you don't like it, just go on with life. 


End file.
